Tom's Reflection

Sometimes you have to put aside your thoughts in order to get things done. Enrolling in this course was very much one of those situations for me. The more I thought about being a member of this small group that was going to experience the history of Chicana feminism, the more I thought that maybe I wasn’t up to the job. I had three main concerns. The first was that I wasn’t Chicana, so maybe I’d be out of place. The second was that my Australian-ness would leave me ill equipped to actually understand the reality of the issues at hand. The third broke away from the ‘identity’ theme and into the ‘I-have-no-idea-about-archives-or-how-they-work’ genre.

First and foremost, this entire entry needs to be read with the understanding that every step of the way my apprehension existed in complete contradiction to my enthusiasm. That’s important.

My first concern, that I’m not Chicana, is one that I’m sure a few of us might have. Personally, I felt it necessary to question how I was viewing the project, and if this allowed me to completely appreciate its importance. I still feel the need to figure out through which lens I understand the history of Chicana feminism, and if it could enhance or detract from the goals of the project.

I’m still on the fence when it comes to deciding whether or not these sorts of questions even matter. At the very least, I think it’s important that I become comfortable with having them. For better or worse I’m involved; it’s high time to ensure I’m free from some strange form of white guilt that probably acts as bedrock for such thoughts. On this, I’m interested to see what importance we place on the identity of archivists by the end of semester. I think our opinions will be pretty malleable.

My second concern was that I’m Australian. This may sound trivial, but the fact that I’m different is something that I’m reminded of daily (read: every time I open my mouth) in the U.S. I’ve travelled to many places around the world, but this is the first time my nationality has been something of note. It honestly felt like less of a thing when I was in China.

Now, by itself this isn’t a problem. It doesn’t bother me that 90% of the time I speak to new people it elicits a response along the lines of ‘You’re totally not from here! Are you Australian?’. If anything, that’s fun. What concerns me is the possibility of it prompting some kind of post-hoc, snap judgment reasoning from people. I’m not assuming it will, I like to give people more credit than that, but it has happened. I often question the ways in which this could affect my ability to contribute if it were to happen during work on the project. For me, the thought that I’ll be perceived as some kind of kangaroo riding lay-about who would rather guzzle Fosters than understand Chicana feminism isn’t as absurd as it may seem.

More important than my own self-consciousness, however, is the fact that – put simply – you’ll very rarely, if ever, hear the word ‘Chicano/a’ in Australia. A quick site search of some of the top Australian universities will show you that very few offer courses even mentioning Chicanos/as. Sure, there are minority groups in Australia who have campaigned for civil rights. Perhaps there are even some parallels between Chicano history in the U.S and, say, Australian Indigenous history. However to group minority struggles into one homogenous category would be naive. There are distinct intricacies that need to be understood, and it’s particularly helpful to understand these intricacies if you live them; something I’ve not had the opportunity to do.

I was, and still am concerned that my lack of tacit knowledge wont let me contribute fully to the project, especially when it’s combined with my lack of lived knowledge. I suppose the alternative is that I can provide a different perspective that is useful in some ways. I’m running with that thought at the moment.

My final concern is that I am completely inexperienced with archives. Obviously, I come in willing to learn and have a crack at it, but I can’t avoid the fact that I’m unsure of what to expect. I feel like it’s one of those things that you can read about for as long as you want, but until you actually do it you wont quite get it. This concern is mirrored by excitement though. It’s always fun to learn new skills so all going well, that’s something that will definitely be happening.

In wrapping up, it’s important that I reiterate how excited I am to be involved in this class. What a ridiculous opportunity. Sure, I have my fears about how it could all go. As I said earlier though, sometimes you’ve got to throw your thoughts aside and just get into it.

Amongst these vagaries lay one thing I know for sure; this course makes me feel uncomfortable. But it’s that good uncomfortable. The one that exists when you’re nervous that something great could happen, and from here on in it’s just a matter of if you let it, and how you deal with it.